so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
