all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
