There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
