No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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