apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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