btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize