The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
