i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
