Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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