i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
