I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize