DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
