you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
