No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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