you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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