Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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