apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
