I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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