i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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