If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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