I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
