Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
