Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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