I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize