It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize