Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
