I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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