i barfeds in our rink
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
