I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
