This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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