she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love having hate sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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