i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
