Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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