Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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