Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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