Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
