how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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