she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
