I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
