i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
