And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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