a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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