As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
