accomplished twins. life is a go
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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