this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
