Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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