Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
