Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
