i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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