these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
