when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
