is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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