she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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