'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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