Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
