I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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