alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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