my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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