ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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