She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
