The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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