it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
