we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
