dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
