Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
